The following poem was written back in June of 1996. Back then I was a drug using, drug selling, violent little badass. I was at Walla Walla, living with Mikey and Jeff. When we were using drugs and smoking joints people use to walk by our cell, look in, and fiend. A lot of guys would stop at our bars and try to make small talk in hopes it would lead to a free hit, or a joint.
(To read more about this crazy time in my life, please check out my ebook called, STONE CITY: LIFE IN THE PENITENTIARY. Specifically, Chapter: 7.)
TAKING THE EDGE OFF PRISON LIFE
Waking up slow to the practical jokes,
where coffee is a must and everyone smokes.
Take a deep breath you can smell the green,
as the broke walk by they look in and fiend.
People say I’m gone how I wish that was true,
the fact is that I’m here so let me tell you what I do.
I kick em in the face sometimes I choke em out,
But then I get away with it and that’s what its about.
So please don’t mess because I gotta confess,
when it comes to fighting dirty I’m one of the best.
So what if I’m small so what if you’re tall,
within ten seconds guarantee you will fall.
The hell with taking the edge off prison life,
its more like taking your head off with my prison knife!
That poem illustrates just how sick my thoughts were. As a result, my actions were extremely destructive. I was oblivious to the fact that I induced my own suffering and hardships.
Now, it is with a joyous heart that I share a more recent poem that was written on 10-25-13, in the midst of enlightenment and spiritual awakening. I am so blessed to have this gentle love in my life. THIS is what takes the edge off of prison life for me these days.
THE MAGIC OF HER LOVE
Love is like magic, at least it is for me.
I pulled a rabbit out the hat, and her name is Suzie.
She transformed my world, a cold hard place.
By showing me a warm soft glow, within the beauty of her face.
Our situation is unique, and to some very strange.
But there’s nothing in this world that love can’t change.
Her love is so pure, understanding and kind.
She loves with all her heart, body, soul and mind.
Her love is so powerful, it reaches my core.
Her love is a love I’ve never felt before.
Her love is a love in which I’ve been seeking.
Her love is a language in which I’m now speaking.
Her love is the love that inspires my life.
Her love is the love that I’ve found in my wife.
As I discover a higher level of consciousness, I am really able to focus on these scriptures with relative ease. As a result, I’ve had one of the best months ever! I feel a strong sense of harmony and peace. I just feel good…happy…secure.
Here are a few verses I will be mindful of:
If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! Proverbs 24:10
Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:14
This next one is hard for me. But I will try my best.
Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice. Proverbs 24:17
I have to admit, I love it when my enemies get beat up or go to the hole. My heart does rejoice when bad things happen to bad people. To obey this particular scripture will be very challenging. But I’ll try.
Just yesterday someone asked me, “How can you serve God when you don’t even believe in God?”
My answer was quick and simple, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
Then I went and prayed to a God who I don’t even know exists. I prayed, “Dear Heavenly Father, please remove all doubt from my mind. Why do I think this way? Why do I question if you’re real? Please Lord, show me beyond a shadow of doubt that you are real. Please forgive me of having thoughts of doubts. In the name of Jesus, Amen.”
I’ve been praying these type of prayers for years.
I stayed away from God and religion because I didn’t know if God was real. I still don’t know. But I will no longer use that as an excuse to stay away from God.
Despite my beliefs, I will continue to pray to God. I will continue to read my Bible. I will continue to live by the scriptures. And I will continue to seek guidance.
Some things are hard for me to explain. There’s so much I don’t understand. But this much I do know: My life is so much better now that I’ve committed to the Lord, and based my life upon biblical principles.
Who knows what the future holds. But today, on this set of 24 hours, I will obey the fundamental teachings of the Bible.
PRAYER REQUEST: Please ask God to erase any and all doubt.
Suzie and I have been writing each other for 9 months. I have 147 letters from her. I absolutely love this woman! (For more on how we met, please read my blog: How I Found Love From Within Prison.)
After 9 months of letters, emails, and a few phone calls, she decided it was time that we met face to face. So she rented a car and drove 800 miles to Aberdeen, WA. It was only 20 minutes prior to our 1st visit that I became aware of her trip. I could not believe that I was about to meet her in person. My weekend just got a whole lot better. All these months of writing…and she was HERE!
As I walked into the visiting room, she gracefully stood up. I gave her a big, long hug & kissed her soft lips. We both couldn’t stop smiling. For the next 3 days we got to know each other on a deep personal level. We talked about family, love, relationships, marriage, and our plans for the future. We played games, held hands, snuck kisses, and spent hours enjoying each others company. I asked her if she really wanted to marry me. She said yes. I explained to her all the challenges that exist within these type of relationships, then I asked her again. She said yes.
I am so impressed with this woman. She is smart, beautiful, sincere, and so kind hearted. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. Her sweet demeanor melts my heart. Her soft voice soothes my soul. Looking into her beautiful eyes gives me butterflies. I really found someone I can love forever.
After 3 days of 8 hour visits, it was time for her to head back to CA. I missed her the instant she left my side. After she was gone, I felt like a puppy after its owner has left for the day. Inside I was weeping.
The next day, I called her to make sure she got home safely. That’s when she told me that she was still in Aberdeen, and that she extended her stay to visit me for another full weekend. I couldn’t believe it! I was so excited! My tail was wagg’n. I absolutely love how much Suzie loves me.
I spent those next visits lost in her emerald green eyes, kissing her hands, and expressing my love towards her. It’s incredible all of the feelings that she makes me feel. I am so happy, and I am so lucky that we have found one another.
Suzie is my reward for being such a good boy and for being so patient. I will always cherish her and treat her with nothing but love & respect. She is my precious gem and I will forever treasure her.
I can’t wait to see her again. I can’t wait to marry her and to have our special EFV’s together. I can’t wait to show her just how much I love her…all night long…for 48 hours straight!
I love you Baby! You are the love of my life.