My lips are shinny from lip balm. The skin on my face is glowing from mass amounts of Oil of Olay. This I know because I just caught a glimps of myself in the reflection of my 7″ touchscreen JP5. Now I feel like blogging. Let’s do it!
I feel good. Just a few hours ago I cut my hair and shaved my face, armpits, and down below. I thought about Suzie as I was manscaping. For those who don’t know what manscaping is, it’s when a man shaves and trims his pubic hairs all around his southern region. Now you know.
Why the hell would a man in prison manscape? Any ideas? You’d be surprised at how many inmates do it. Ask your inmate if he does it. If he says, ”yes” ask him ”why?”
I do it to keep the fleas and crabs off me. It seems to be working.
If your inmate doesn’t trim his bushes, I’d be willing to bet that he has bad breath most the time too. It just seems like those two go hand in hand…bad breath, and a colony of crabs & fleas co-existing in an unruly out-of-control man bush. Pay attention the next time you’re in the visiting room. You’ll see guys scratching their nuts left and right. Thats because they have crabs, fleas, and ball mites. All because they don’t manscape.
I had no idea that this post was going to be so educational for ya all. But since it is, I’ll continue to enlighten.
I’m going to teach you a technique that will enable you to save money on mouthwash. I learned this technique just the other day when I used a sink next to Mike, aka: The Mad Jacker. They call him “The Mad Jacker” because he’s always beating off in the toilet and shower stalls. Everyone knows he does it. But he doesn’t care. He still does it. Mike is crazy. He’s also a genius. Literally. (Read Jesse’s post called Surprised. He’s talking about Mike.)
So I pull up along side of him and start brushing my teeth. Above each sink is a mirror and a little stainless steel shelf. I notice on Mike’s shelf he has floss, toenail clippers, nasal spray, a salt shaker that he stole from the chow hall, and two bottles of mouthwash.
As I’m brushing my teeth, I’m also watching him through my mirror. He has no idea.
He takes a huge swig of mouthwash and starts swishing it around. Then he tilts his head back and vigorously gargles. I can see splashes of mouthwash fly out of his mouth and down his chin and neck. I take a step farther away from him and decide to watch him point blank. Like a statue I just stand and stare as I brush.
After he gargles, he spits the mouthwash into the other mouthwash container. That’s when I noticed that both his mouthwash bottles contained backwashed mouthwash. I gaged.
Then I spit my toothpaste in the sink and said, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Getting ready to brush my teeth.” he says.
“No.” I said, “Why are you spitting mouthwash back into the container?”
As he squeezes indigent toothpaste onto his indigent toothbrush, he says, “The sodium fluoride is still active. I’m not going to waste perfectly good mouthwash.”
(Indigent – An inmate who has less than $10 on his books for 30 days or longer is considered to be “indigent.” Indigent inmates can purchase indigent items as they rack up an indigent debt. NOTE: Indigent items are generic, no name brand items. In other words, they suck!) See: Glossary of Prison Terms
I hide my disgust and act intrigued. “How many times can you use it before the sodium fluoride is no longer active?”
He says, “I’ve been using this stuff for 7 months and it’s still good.”
This guy is totally oblivious to how crazy and gross all this is. In his mind we are having an average everyday conversation.
I ask him, “How do you know when the sodium fluoride is no longer active?”
He simply says, “When it stops burning.”
I then asked him, “Why do you turn off the water when you brush your teeth?”
I asked him that because I do then same thing. It’s obviously to conserve water. But not many guys do that in here. As a matter of fact, some guys deliberately turn on all the faucets and then walk away.
Mike answers, “To save water. By doing so, I save up to 4 gallons of water every time I brush my teeth.”
I ask, “How many times a day do you brush?”
He says, “Three.”
I say, “That’s 12 gallons of water you save per day.”
He says, “Yep. And 4,380 gallons per year.”
I ask, “What do you do with all the water you save?”
He finally looks at me for the first time, cocks his head sideways, and says, “Ha Ha, very funny.”
Then he gathers all his things and speed walks out of the bathroom and to his cell. Mike is always in a hurry no matter where he goes.
Yes, Mike is an odd ball. He does some strange things. But Mike is alright with me. Together we save approximately 8,760 gallons of water per year! Who knew?
Some guy just got his jaw broke and was hospitalized. The other guy is in segregation. The dispute was over JPay. Ever since JPay has issued the new JP5, there has been a rise in the number and severity of assaults and fights.
JPay upgrades the handheld devices from the JP4, to the JP5. Thousands of inmates pay for that upgrade. They then all get their new and improved device within a few weeks of each other. Now everyone wants to link-up their new device at the JPay kiosk so they can download all their music on their new JP5.
JPay’s software is so old and cheap that it causes the kiosks to freeze up and run super slow.
The logins are limited to 20 minutes. In that time, inmates are only getting 2 or 3 songs. A lot of these guys have over 1,000 songs!
In an already volatile environment, you can imagine the frustration and anger this creates.
There’s now a feeding frenzy mentality revolving around the JPays. Everybody is trying to log on all day, everyday. And because these guys are only getting 2 or 3 songs per login, there’s no end in sight to this unnecessary, totally preventable, madness.
The remedy is quite simple:
*Pre-load the JP5’s with everyone’s music.
*Upgrade all software and technology to the best money can buy. (JPay can afford it. They’re a multi-million dollar business!)
Until something changes, JPay will continue to be the cause of numerous assaults and fights. I just hope that DOC will hold JPay to a higher standard before another jaw gets broke…or worse.
Hello everyone! How’s life in the free world? Enjoy it! Life is too short not to.
Here’s whats going on in here:
Two Year Wedding Anniversary:
Suzie and I celebrated our two year anniversary on February 27th. We tried the ol GoFundMe route in hopes we could raise enough for a weekend visit. Thank you for the donations… however, we came up short. But the good news is we used the funds for phone time. Phone time is huge for us. Thank you! I absolutely LOVE hearing my wife’s sweet voice.
Starting March 17th, all phone calls will drop down to 11 cents per minute. And we’ll be charged by the minute. No more losing $3.20 because of a bogus “3-way calling alert” 4 minutes into a call! Now its minute for minute. Gotta love that. (I Will Blog For Phone Time)
JP5 Mini Tablet:
I recently received my new JP5. It’s an Android touchscreen with spell check and auto complete. No biggie to the free world, but huge for guys who’ve been locked up for 20 years or more. It also has a photo gallery for all my pics. Along with video games, calendar, calculator, and several more features I’ll never use. My main usage for it is music, photos, and blogging. And oh, emailing my baby!
I got a $20 credit on my media account for turning in my JP4 when I upgraded to the JP5. With that credit I bought some music. I love listening to music! I’m practicing my dance moves for when Suzie and I get our EFV’s. I’m gonna give that woman the time of her life…GUARANTEED! All my moves are specifically designed for her viewing and physical pleasure. And for those of you who want to know, you got it! An ebook will follow each and every EFV, co-authored by us both.
Black History Event:
On March 3rd there will be a special event held in the visiting room. This event will feature a guest speaker named Gilda Sheppard. Gilda Sheppard, Ph. D. is a member of the Evergreen State College in Tacoma. She is also an award winning filmmaker. After her speech…its time to eat. Menu: Salad, Fried Chicken, Rice & Beans, Collard Greens, Cake, and Juice.
This is a fair that’s sponsored by The Redemption Project. It’s for guys that are within 12 months of release and are seeking valuable resources that will hopefully aid in their success. The following organizations will have representatives at this Resource Fair:
Affordable Care Act
Bank of America
Children’s Advocacy Center of Grays Harbor
DOC Housing Voucher
Department of Licensing
DSHS – Division of Child Support
Division of Vocational Rehabilitation
DSHS – Financial
Grays Harbor Community College
Employment Security Department
Express Employment Professionals
Family Service Unit – DOC HQ
Northwest Justice Project
Pioneer Human Services
Shoalwater Bay Indian Tribe
Social Security Admin
STOP Program (DV)
Vocational Rehabilitation Services
Natives with disabilities
Work Source Grays Harbor
I don’t know about you, but I find this to be pretty impressive. I wish I could attend. Its never too early to prepare for life after prison. I share this with you to show how much opportunity there is in prison. So now you can call BS when your inmate runs drag about how prison is just a warehouse and rehabilitation doesn’t exist. IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE!!!
This is the Dog Program here at Stafford Creek. Since the program’s inception back in 2009, almost 300 undesirable dogs have been rescued from shelters, rehabilitated by inmates, and have found permanent “forever homes”. I am a part of this program and I absolute love it!
The program allows us to live with our assigned dog 24-7, for 10 weeks. We use that time to teach the dogs basic commands, social skills, and so much more. Not to mention all the things the dog teaches us. After the 10 weeks are up, these once “undesirable dogs” are now highly sought after. They’re intelligent, obedient, well mannered, and ready to bless a family with unconditional love and companionship.
The Sustainability In Prison Project:
I attended a lecture on Salmon. Did you know there are 7 species of Pacific Salmon? Yep. And they lay 4000 eggs. 90 days later, 800 of them hatch. 200 make it to sea. 10 reach adulthood. And only 2 return to spawn. Moral of the story: Be nice to Salmon. Eat Sardines!
“If you think you can, you’re right. If you think you can’t, you’re right.”
“Forgive them not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it.”
A Call For Action:
Please check out my ebook, Stone City: Life In The Penitentiary, and help make it a success.
Blogs & Social Media:
Real Love Letters – Suzie & I have decided to share our journey from the very beginning. We will be posting our personal letters to show the world how we met and fell in love. A lot of people wonder how a good wholesome Mormon girl could fall in love and marry a man in prison serving a 43 year sentence. This blog will answer many questions as Suzie and I share our transparent back & forth dialogue.
Stone City Blog – A collection of blogs written by men in prison. If you have a loved one in prison, give them the gift of blogging. Our services are free. (For more information, please read: Submitting Blogs)
Suzie M. Jennings – What’s it like to be the wife of an inmate? Follow Suzie’s blog about love, life, & success. Everyone is on a journey…all are the same, yet all are different.
Steven D. Jennings – I am the nations leading blogger from behind bars! I share my journey towards rehabilitation & redemption. Please follow my blog as I share my experiences with you.
Jonathan Gordon – I recently met this guy in here. He is a fellow inmate. He’s a cool dude. He’s driven and smart. He has been contributing to Stone City Blog, and he also has a blog of his own. Check it out at: http://www.jonathankeenangordon.name/jongordon/
Thank you to my awesome wife for giving me the gift of love. I love you and appreciate everything you do for me. You truly are an amazing woman.
Until next time, live in love and watch your blessings increase.
Its Superbowl Sunday. I’m loving it! I woke up this morning excited for some football and fundraiser.
At 8:30am I’m going to pick up one large pizza, 8 pieces of fried chicken, and a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper (Est. 1885).
The atmosphere is nothing like last year when Seattle played New England. But that’s ok. I’m still going to thoroughly enjoy it. As I do, I will have my new JP5 mini tablet by my side, blogging and sharing this Super Sunday with you.
Lady Gaga sings the National Anthem . OMG…absolutely beautiful!
If you missed it…you’ve got to see it. Isn’t it on YouTube or something? Find it! Watch it! You’ll love it!!! I still have goosebumps.
Carolina wins the toss and decides to play defense first. Hmmmm, I think they should’ve taken the ball, scored, and put immediate pressure on Denver.
Kick off…Caldwell to the 20…here comes Peyton.
Ut oh…Denver is driving! Already in field goal range.
Yep, 3-0 Denver!
See…why would Carolina want to start the Super Bowl from behind? I understand they want the ball first in the second half…but they are not a second half team. They are a first half team that starts off fast. SO TAKE THE BALL FIRST!!!
Newton starts at the 18 yard line. Ut oh…three and out for Carolina.
Denvers ball at the 24. Don’t let Peyton go up 10-0
Did you see that commercial? Baby in womb eating Doritos. Very funny.
Carolinas defense does its job. Let’s go Cam!!!
Yes, I want Carolina to win.
Good challenge, bad call…that was a catch!
See? That’s why Carolina should’ve taken the ball first. I’m in prison and even I know that!
Taunting on Denver. That makes up for the completion they called incomplete. It goes both ways.
May the best team win.
Let’s go Carolina!!!
End of first quarter. I’m hungry. Pizza is gone! I have chicken, but I’m blogging. I don’t wanna get my touchscreen all greasy.
Halftime: Carolina 7, Denver 13
I loved the halftime show. The theme was “Believe in Love.” Beyoncé, Bruno Mars, and Cold Play all rocked.
Okay Carolina, show the world why you wanted the first possession of the second half.
Nice catch and run Ted Ginn Jr. Set the tempo! Find your rhythm! Get your mash on!
Sweet…Carolina is in field goal range.
The kick is up….NO GOOD!
This game is definitely going Denver’s way. Ever since Carolina botched the coin toss, I’ve had a bad feeling.
Greeeeat…..Denver just tacked on another three. It’s now 7-16.
Let me get back to this botched coin toss thing. I really feel like this would be a completely different game if Carolina would’ve taken the ball first.
Did you watch the Denver/New England game? It went to overtime and New England won to toss. New England gave the ball to Denver first. Denver scored the winning touchdown and New England never even got their offence on the field.
That’s a prime example why you take the ball when you win a coin toss in the NFL!
Super Bowl babies…. awesome commercial.
Sweet! Peyton fumbles.
Let’s go Cam!
Hope is alive and well.
Carolina is in field goal range. The kick is up….its good! Denver 16, Carolina 10.
Gotta admire Budweiser for promoting safety. Nicely done.
Carolina punts. Denver’s ball.
I’d love to see a pick six. Or a scoop and score. Or some divine intervention from my role model Jesus H. Christ. Is “H” really his middle initial?
Denver punts. Carolina has the ball and needs 74 yards for the winning touchdown. They have 4:51 to get er done!
Denver’s ball… first and goal from the four yard line.
This game is all but over.
It’s official. Carolina needs Jesus. I guess Jesus said, “no”.
Congratulations Peyton Manning!!! I’m happy for him and his family. Now he can ride off into the sunset at the top of his game as a two time Super Bowl Champion. The joy he must be feeling is so powerful.
Now I’m about to wax approximately five pieces of greasy fried chicken and enjoy the rest of this wonderful day with my dog, Yahoo.