The following poem was written back in June of 1996. Back then I was a drug using, drug selling, violent little badass. I was at Walla Walla, living with Mikey and Jeff. When we were using drugs and smoking joints people use to walk by our cell, look in, and fiend. A lot of guys would stop at our bars and try to make small talk in hopes it would lead to a free hit, or a joint.
(To read more about this crazy time in my life, please check out my ebook called, STONE CITY: LIFE IN THE PENITENTIARY. Specifically, Chapter: 7.)
TAKING THE EDGE OFF PRISON LIFE
Waking up slow to the practical jokes,
where coffee is a must and everyone smokes.
Take a deep breath you can smell the green,
as the broke walk by they look in and fiend.
People say I’m gone how I wish that was true,
the fact is that I’m here so let me tell you what I do.
I kick em in the face sometimes I choke em out,
But then I get away with it and that’s what its about.
So please don’t mess because I gotta confess,
when it comes to fighting dirty I’m one of the best.
So what if I’m small so what if you’re tall,
within ten seconds guarantee you will fall.
The hell with taking the edge off prison life,
its more like taking your head off with my prison knife!
That poem illustrates just how sick my thoughts were. As a result, my actions were extremely destructive. I was oblivious to the fact that I induced my own suffering and hardships.
Now, it is with a joyous heart that I share a more recent poem that was written on 10-25-13, in the midst of enlightenment and spiritual awakening. I am so blessed to have this gentle love in my life. THIS is what takes the edge off of prison life for me these days.
THE MAGIC OF HER LOVE
Love is like magic, at least it is for me.
I pulled a rabbit out the hat, and her name is Suzie.
She transformed my world, a cold hard place.
By showing me a warm soft glow, within the beauty of her face.
Our situation is unique, and to some very strange.
But there’s nothing in this world that love can’t change.
Her love is so pure, understanding and kind.
She loves with all her heart, body, soul and mind.
Her love is so powerful, it reaches my core.
Her love is a love I’ve never felt before.
Her love is a love in which I’ve been seeking.
Her love is a language in which I’m now speaking.
Her love is the love that inspires my life.
Her love is the love that I’ve found in my wife.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:7
Every marriage faces choppy waters. Divorce is at an all time high. Just the other day I heard a guy in here talking about how he’s about to “fire his wife!” He’s tripping on her because she’s slow-walking his food package.
Actually, no it’s not. So many men in here play games with love and emotions. They are not sincere with their love. They are users and abusers. They continue to use until the money dries up, or till they get released. These type of relationships are scattered throughout prison visiting rooms all across America. It breaks my heart and it’s sad to see.
I sincerely love my wife with all my heart. All I wanna do is love this woman and make her happy. No drama, no stress, no arguing, no fighting.
Wouldn’t that be sweet?
Oh, it is!!!
Suzie and I enjoy a strong circle of harmony. But every now and then, we find ourselves in choppy waters. In those times, it is my duty as a husband, to take positive steps that will change the emotional climate and calm the choppy waters.
Smooth sailing in the sea of love is always possible when true love guides the heart.
I’m not perfect, and I still have a lot to learn. But one thing I know for sure is that I love my wife with all my heart and I will forever cherish her and the sweet love she gives me. My #1 priority in our marriage is to treat Suzie with nothing but love, understanding, compassion, and respect.
Our mantra: LOVE CONQUERS ALL!
There’s so much I can’t give this magnificent woman…at least not right now. But what I can give her, is the unconditional love she desires and longs for. I can always give her my very best! When it comes to our marriage and our love, I will always put forth effort, as I maintain faith and hope that our love will only grow stronger throughout our journey.
I love you my sweet Suzie. Thank you for blessing my life with your precious love.
Hello My Love,
I love you. You are an amazing woman in so many ways. You are by far my most valued treasure. I am blessed to have you in my life as my wife. You teach me so much about myself and what it takes to live in harmony with another person.
I love our communication skills and how we share our feelings with each other. The deeper we dive into one another, the more we learn. This learning curve inevitably exposes our differences, weaknesses, personal issues, and character flaws. We have proven to each other that love and communication conquers all. Thank you for loving me through all my defects and flaws. Thank you for opening up to me and trusting me with your heart.
Our marriage will last forever and thrive, because we truly communicate. We accept what IS as we constantly work to resolve issues and create acceptable remedies for each other. It feels so good to have this level of mental intimacy with you. And soon we will be physically intimate as well!
I love you!
( To read more of our letters, please visit our blog: Real Love Letters )
This event was much needed for my wife and I. We spent quality time loving each other face to face.
As she walked in, I stood up and waved my arms. She quickly identified me. Her face lit up as she got closer and closer. She looked so beautiful in the outfit I picked out for her.
Finally she reached my arms. I held her tight as I gave her a long hug.. I kissed all over her pretty face. I bit her cheeks…gently. I sniffed her hair. Then I smooched all over her soft lips. No French kiss…just some soft, slow, passionate, long over-due smooching. I’ll save all the French kisses for our EFV’s in nine months when I’m making sweet passionate love to her ALL NIGHT LONG!
After our intro, I pulled out her chair and we sat. I kissed her a few more times as I asked how her trip went. I spent some time telling her how much I love her and how thankful I am for her sweet love. Then I showed her the corsage I made. My wife absolutely loves flowers. After she smelled it, I pinned it just above one of her voluptuous double D’s.
She caught me looking at her milky mountains and said, “Whatchya looking at?”
I just looked up into her gorgeous green eyes, kissed her lips, and said, “Do you have any idea what I’m going to do with those things in nine months?”
She looked at me with her innocent eyes as she shook her head, “No.” Her adorableness was almost too much! With my pointer finger I directed her to come in close to me. I had a secret I wanted to tell her. As she leaned in, I gently gripped the back of her head and kissed from her lips, across her cheek, and to her ear. That’s when I completely dog tongued her entire ear as I penetrated her tight little ear hole.
She tried to pull away, but I’m too strong. I kept my wife right where I wanted her. Then I whispered, “I’m going to massage warm baby oil all over your huge fun bags before I…. (you’ll just have to read our erotic ebooks if you want all the details).
Despite two huge distractions smack dab in my face, I finally got that corsage pinned on. Then I asked her, “Have you ever played paddle ball with your chin?”
She looks at me with an unsure look and says, “No.”
In which I respond, “Don’t worry, baby. I’m going to teach you that game in nine months…you’ll love it!”
Anytime I mention “nine months” she knows I’m referring to our EFV’s (aka: conjugal visits), and all of a sudden my sexual innuendos make perfect sense to her.
Before we know it, lunch is being served and we’re making a toast to each other. We inner lock our arms and sip on some expensive bubbly Apple Cider. I can’t resist…I lean in and kiss my wife again. I thank her for marrying me and for all the love she brings to my world. Then as the afternoon faded into evening, we played along with the Newlywed Game and I read her my gratitude letter:
My Lovely Suzie,
I am so thankful for the sweet love and affection you bring to my life. You create wonderful sensations within my heart that otherwise would not exist. Your gift of love has truly changed my life. Thank you so much for all you do and all that you are. I recognize all the sacrifices you make for us. You are a great woman with a powerful and consistent love. Your dedication and commitment is so impressive. I admire you greatly. Mwah! I am so thankful for your sweet, gentle soul, and your caring ways. You are by far the best woman I know. With you as my beautiful wife, I am a better man. Let’s hug! I love you.
Despite the guard having to tell me three times to keep my hands off my wife, we had a perfect visit!
As it was time to say goodbye, Suzie asked me, “Do you want to be the last ones hugging?”
I took her in my arms and we out-hugged everyone in that room! Then I watched her walk out the door and up the walkway as we continued to blow kisses and maintain eye contact. Only when I couldn’t see her anymore, did I turn and leave the room.
I headed back to my unit the happiest man in this joint.
Thank you, Suzie…I LOVE YOU!
What’s better than love? NOTHING…that’s what! So why not take the initiative to express love? Everyday. To your spouse. Your children. Your friends. To mankind.
I’m shocked by all the men who take their women for granted. No wonder divorce rates are at an all time high. I understand that every couple will have their differences. It happens. I’m going through it with my wife, Suzie, right now.
It would be so easy to lose my composure and say something stupid. But what good would that do? I love this woman. Therefore, it’s my duty to soothe and comfort as we work through our conflict in a respectful, loving manner.
How do I do that? By drawing on the knowledge I learned from a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called, The Four Agreements. The first agreement is: BE IMPECCABLE WITH MY WORDS. This means, speak kindly to the woman I love. Always. No matter what. Under no circumstances is it okay for me to allow my emotions to dictate a tone of voice that operates outside the realms of love.
I must admit, in the past, I have been guilty of that. I recognized it. I didn’t like it. I fixed it! And it wasn’t really all that difficult to fix. Especially when you consider the beneficiary…my wife, the woman I love, my marriage.
If I have something to say, and it involves negative feelings, I find a way to say it as nicely as possible. Because I love Suzie, and I am committed to giving her my best at all times. She is such a sweet sensitive soul and she deserves so much more than I can give.
The least I can do is love her with all my mind, body, and soul…with all my power and strength focused on loving her the way God intended for a man to love his wife.
The way I simply talk to my wife makes all the difference in the world. Words are powerful! So why not use them in the direction of truth and love? If you are in conflict with someone you love, take the initiative to express love.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flair. Proverbs 15:1
So much of my relationship with my wife is through letters and phone calls. The upcoming Significant Woman’s Event gives me the opportunity to be with my wife in person. It allows us the experience of what it would be like to eat in a resturant together. To dance with eachother. To play games together. And for me to express my gratitude towards her.
The quality time we spend together helps us bond as we learn eachother’s mannerisms. This also helps with our letter writing as it gives our written words a visual of personality. After every visit I feel our relationship strengthen. Suzie means the world to me and I could never thank her enough for all her dedication, commitment, and sacrifice.
This wonderful event allows me to show her how much I love and appreciate her. She truly is significant in my life. An absolute blessing! This is one day where I can demonstrate how special she really is to me. We can hug, kiss, hold hands, have eye contact, and experience what joy and happiness looks like on one another’s face in person.
Thank you to eveyone who helps Suzie and I unite in person for the event this weekend. We love you and appreciate all your support. To make a donation, please click HERE.
Just how bad is it?
It’s as bad or as good as I make it.
The lying… it’s super bad.
It’s almost an everyday thing.
I pretty much know when my celly is lying. And even when he’s not lying, I question him. I don’t question him out loud, I keep it to myself because I don’t want to cause tension between us.
When my “BS Meter” goes off, I investigate. He mainly lies about what other people say. So I’ll simply go to that person and ask, only to find out that my celly completely and grossly lied. I’ve called him on a few lies already. He gets defensive and hostile. He attempts to clean it up by telling more lies.
For example, he told me that an officer jammed him up because our dog, Yahoo, wasn’t wearing a colored bandana. (We had just given Yahoo a bath and his bandana was off until it dried. Bandanas represent the status of the dog.)
The lie was so elaborate and full of back and forth dialogue between he and the officer. I knew he was lying. So later on I talked to the officer, only to find out that no such conversation ever took place.
Later that day I tried to have a serious talk with my celly. (He didn’t know I knew.) I explained to him that we need to be honest with each other.
I asked if he has ever lied to me?
He said no.
I asked if he was sure?
He paused, then said that he has never lied to me.
During the course of our conversation he lied to me several more time. It was like a domino effect, one lie inspired the next lie. He lied to cover up lies. Finally I told him that I talked to the officer, and I already knew the truth behind that lengthy, lie infested conversation we just had.
I got the feeling that this man really believed his own lies, because he attempted to convince me that he DID talk to the officer, and the officer DID say that. He wouldn’t budge! There was NO WAY this man was going to admit he lied.
So I said, “Let’s go talk to the officer together.”
He said, “Let’s go!”
I opened the door and we both started to head out. For a split second I started to think, “Man! Did the officer lie to me?” I mean, THATS how convincing my celly was.
Then, all of a sudden, my celly said, “Wait! Stop! Come back in here.”
We came back in and shut the door.
He said in a low defeated tone, “He never said that.”
I was super cool about it. I told him it was no big deal and let’s move on. He apologized for lying and assured me that from now on he would be honest with me. I shook his hand, told him all is good, and let’s move on.
Since then, he has lied to me numerous times. And if I can’t prove it, he doesn’t budge. So for the most part I just let him lie without calling him on it. But I must be honest, its frustrating and extremely annoying.
Last night I came back from the shower. The second I walk in he says, “Rollo started to chew on your shoe. I took it away from him.”
I have OCD, I know EXACTLY how and where I set my shoes. I looked at my shoes and they were untouched. My celly is disabled. There’s NO WAY he’s going to line my shoes up the way I do.
I KNOW HE’S LYING…AGAIN!!!
I’ll spare you the big ol lie infested conversation that ensued. But I will say that I called him on his BS. Along with several other previous lies. The flood gates opened!
It didn’t go well and now I feel animosity towards him. And I’m sure he feels animosity towards me. In the past, I would’ve made his life hard with verbal abuse and constant disrespect.
I called my sweet wife and told her what was going on. She offered me advice and help on how to handle this. She then remembered reading what my celly had written in a post on Stone City Blog. He wrote that he used to be a pathological liar. It instantly made sense.
The next day I was extra nice to him. Then I asked if we could have another serious conversation. He said yes. I commended him on his Stone City Blog post, and how he admitted he once had a lying problem. I offered to further help him in overcoming this problem.
We talked for a long time. He told me about his childhood and abuse, and why he lies. As we concluded I told him that this is the perfect opportunity for us both to evolve and overcome. He agreed.
It’s been a couple weeks since that chat. He hasn’t lied since…at least not to me.
If I feel he’s lying, all I have to say is, “Are you being truthful?”
He and I both agreed that by saying that, it’ll take him to a place of truth within, and will allow him to recognize and focus on his desire to be a better man. This also benefits me as it allows me to deal with issues in an appropriate manner.
So just how bad is it, living with a compulsive liar?
It’s as bad or as good as I make it.
I choose to make it a good thing, and to turn it into something that will allow us to both learn and grow.
This made me sooo happy to see my wife’s efforts. She took a big step out of her comfort zone for me. She has the sweetest heart ever. Please help us succeed by sharing on social media. Thank you!
I am so proud of my darling wife. The work she does may at times feel thankless and uneventful, but she is doing incredible work helping the incarcerated.
I was brought to tears today. I was struggling with work and my own personal spiritual journey. I nearly wanted to give up. But I knew I’d be letting myself and my husband down.
I finally found the will to get online and dig into my list of things to do.
I manage Stone City Blog. It’s a collection of blogs written by men in prison. I don’t get paid for this. I’d call it charity/volunteer/non-profit work for right now.
I saw that I had about 60 emails from inmates, all waiting for me to post their work. I was expecting a large number like that. After all, I let things back up, knowing very well that I shouldn’t have let that happen.
About an hour into my work load, I find an email addressed to me.
As I opened it, tears streamed down my face as I began…
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