Tagged: relationship

Taking The Edge Off Prison Life

 

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The following poem was written back in June of 1996. Back then I was a drug using, drug selling, violent little badass. I was at Walla Walla, living with Mikey and Jeff. When we were using drugs and smoking joints people use to walk by our cell, look in, and fiend. A lot of guys would stop at our bars and try to make small talk in hopes it would lead to a free hit, or a joint.

(To read more about this crazy time in my life, please check out my ebook called, STONE CITY: LIFE IN THE PENITENTIARY. Specifically, Chapter: 7.)

 

TAKING THE EDGE OFF PRISON LIFE

Waking up slow to the practical jokes,
where coffee is a must and everyone smokes.

Take a deep breath you can smell the green,
as the broke walk by they look in and fiend.

People say I’m gone how I wish that was true,
the fact is that I’m here so let me tell you what I do.

I kick em in the face sometimes I choke em out,
But then I get away with it and that’s what its about.

So please don’t mess because I gotta confess,
when it comes to fighting dirty I’m one of the best.

So what if I’m small so what if you’re tall,
within ten seconds guarantee you will fall.

The hell with taking the edge off prison life,
its more like taking your head off with my prison knife!

 

That poem illustrates just how sick my thoughts were. As a result, my actions were extremely destructive. I was oblivious to the fact that I induced my own suffering and hardships.

Now, it is with a joyous heart that I share a more recent poem that was written on 10-25-13, in the midst of enlightenment and spiritual awakening. I am so blessed to have this gentle love in my life. THIS is what takes the edge off of prison life for me these days.

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THE MAGIC OF HER LOVE

Love is like magic, at least it is for me.
I pulled a rabbit out the hat, and her name is Suzie.

She transformed my world, a cold hard place.
By showing me a warm soft glow, within the beauty of her face.

Our situation is unique, and to some very strange.
But there’s nothing in this world that love can’t change.

Her love is so pure, understanding and kind.
She loves with all her heart, body, soul and mind.

Her love is so powerful, it reaches my core.
Her love is a love I’ve never felt before.

Her love is a love in which I’ve been seeking.
Her love is a language in which I’m now speaking.

Her love is the love that inspires my life.
Her love is the love that I’ve found in my wife.

 

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Steven Jennings

True Love Never Gives Up

 

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Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:7

 

Every marriage faces choppy waters. Divorce is at an all time high. Just the other day I heard a guy in here talking about how he’s about to “fire his wife!” He’s tripping on her because she’s slow-walking his food package.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Actually, no it’s not. So many men in here play games with love and emotions. They are not sincere with their love. They are users and abusers. They continue to use until the money dries up, or till they get released. These type of relationships are scattered throughout prison visiting rooms all across America. It breaks my heart and it’s sad to see.

I sincerely love my wife with all my heart. All I wanna do is love this woman and make her happy. No drama, no stress, no arguing, no fighting.

Wouldn’t that be sweet?
Oh, it is!!!

Suzie and I enjoy a strong circle of harmony. But every now and then, we find ourselves in choppy waters. In those times, it is my duty as a husband, to take positive steps that will change the emotional climate and calm the choppy waters.

Smooth sailing in the sea of love is always possible when true love guides the heart.

I’m not perfect, and I still have a lot to learn. But one thing I know for sure is that I love my wife with all my heart and I will forever cherish her and the sweet love she gives me. My #1 priority in our marriage is to treat Suzie with nothing but love, understanding, compassion, and respect.

Our mantra: LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

There’s so much I can’t give this magnificent woman…at least not right now. But what I can give her, is the unconditional love she desires and longs for. I can always give her my very best! When it comes to our marriage and our love, I will always put forth effort, as I maintain faith and hope that our love will only grow stronger throughout our journey.

I love you my sweet Suzie. Thank you for blessing my life with your precious love.

 

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Steven Jennings

 

 

A Prayer For My Wife As She Hikes The PCT

 

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Dear Heavenly Father,

As my wife hikes the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT), I pray that she endures throughout the day and night. Please let it be known unto her heart how much I love and appreciate her, and how thankful I am to have her. Anoint her with all the energy she needs to make it through each and every day. Help keep her strong, sharp, and focused. I pray she feels good physically and will have the mental fortitude to appropriately process any situation she encounters.

Bless my wife by giving her sound intuition as she navigates through the wilderness. Lead her to a place of solitude where she may rejuvenate and revive her beautiful soul. Pour out Your peace and love all over her. Please let her see just how much she contributes to our happiness and quality of life together. Reinforce in her heart and mind how valuable she is. Equip her to seek, find, and carry out her purpose in this world.

Please Lord Jesus, be with Suzie on her journey and let her know that she is loved & supported.

Amen!

 

~ Steven Jennings

 

❤   Hiking 1,000 Miles To Hug My Husband  ❤

The 2016 Significant Woman’s Event

 

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This event was much needed for my wife and I. We spent quality time loving each other face to face.

As she walked in, I stood up and waved my arms. She quickly identified me. Her face lit up as she got closer and closer. She looked so beautiful in the outfit I picked out for her.

Finally she reached my arms. I held her tight as I gave her a long hug.. I kissed all over her pretty face. I bit her cheeks…gently. I sniffed her hair. Then I smooched all over her soft lips. No French kiss…just some soft, slow, passionate, long over-due smooching. I’ll save all the French kisses for our EFV’s in nine months when I’m making sweet passionate love to her ALL NIGHT LONG!

After our intro, I pulled out her chair and we sat. I kissed her a few more times as I asked how her trip went. I spent some time telling her how much I love her and how thankful I am for her sweet love. Then I showed her the corsage I made. My wife absolutely loves flowers. After she smelled it, I pinned it just above one of her voluptuous double D’s.

She caught me looking at her milky mountains and said, “Whatchya looking at?”

I just looked up into her gorgeous green eyes, kissed her lips, and said, “Do you have any idea what I’m going to do with those things in nine months?”

She looked at me with her innocent eyes as she shook her head, “No.” Her adorableness was almost too much! With my pointer finger I directed her to come in close to me. I had a secret I wanted to tell her. As she leaned in, I gently gripped the back of her head and kissed from her lips, across her cheek, and to her ear. That’s when I completely dog tongued her entire ear as I penetrated her tight little ear hole.

She tried to pull away, but I’m too strong. I kept my wife right where I wanted her. Then I whispered, “I’m going to massage warm baby oil all over your huge fun bags before I…. (you’ll just have to read our erotic ebooks if you want all the details).

Despite two huge distractions smack dab in my face, I finally got that corsage pinned on. Then I asked her, “Have you ever played paddle ball with your chin?”

She looks at me with an unsure look and says, “No.”

In which I respond, “Don’t worry, baby. I’m going to teach you that game in nine months…you’ll love it!”

Anytime I mention “nine months” she knows I’m referring to our EFV’s (aka: conjugal visits), and all of a sudden my sexual innuendos make perfect sense to her.

Before we know it, lunch is being served and we’re making a toast to each other. We inner lock our arms and sip on some expensive bubbly Apple Cider. I can’t resist…I lean in and kiss my wife again. I thank her for marrying me and for all the love she brings to my world. Then as the afternoon faded into evening, we played along with the Newlywed Game and I read her my gratitude letter:

 

My Lovely Suzie,

I am so thankful for the sweet love and affection you bring to my life. You create wonderful sensations within my heart that otherwise would not exist. Your gift of love has truly changed my life. Thank you so much for all you do and all that you are. I recognize all the sacrifices you make for us. You are a great woman with a powerful and consistent love. Your dedication and commitment is so impressive. I admire you greatly. Mwah! I am so thankful for your sweet, gentle soul, and your caring ways. You are by far the best woman I know. With you as my beautiful wife, I am a better man. Let’s hug! I love you.

Your Husband,
Steven

 

Despite the guard having to tell me three times to keep my hands off my wife, we had a perfect visit!

As it was time to say goodbye, Suzie asked me, “Do you want to be the last ones hugging?”

I took her in my arms and we out-hugged everyone in that room! Then I watched her walk out the door and up the walkway as we continued to blow kisses and maintain eye contact. Only when I couldn’t see her anymore, did I turn and leave the room.

I headed back to my unit the happiest man in this joint.

Thank you, Suzie…I LOVE YOU!

 

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Steven Jennings

Take The Initiative To Express Love

 

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What’s better than love? NOTHING…that’s what! So why not take the initiative to express love? Everyday. To your spouse. Your children. Your friends. To mankind.

I’m shocked by all the men who take their women for granted. No wonder divorce rates are at an all time high. I understand that every couple will have their differences. It happens. I’m going through it with my wife, Suzie, right now.

It would be so easy to lose my composure and say something stupid. But what good would that do? I love this woman. Therefore, it’s my duty to soothe and comfort as we work through our conflict in a respectful, loving manner.

How do I do that? By drawing on the knowledge I learned from a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called, The Four Agreements. The first agreement is: BE IMPECCABLE WITH MY WORDS. This means, speak kindly to the woman I love. Always. No matter what. Under no circumstances is it okay for me to allow my emotions to dictate a tone of voice that operates outside the realms of love.

I must admit, in the past, I have been guilty of that. I recognized it. I didn’t like it. I fixed it! And it wasn’t really all that difficult to fix. Especially when you consider the beneficiary…my wife, the woman I love, my marriage.

If I have something to say, and it involves negative feelings, I find a way to say it as nicely as possible. Because I love Suzie, and I am committed to giving her my best at all times. She is such a sweet sensitive soul and she deserves so much more than I can give.

The least I can do is love her with all my mind, body, and soul…with all my power and strength focused on loving her the way God intended for a man to love his wife.

The way I simply talk to my wife makes all the difference in the world. Words are powerful! So why not use them in the direction of truth and love? If you are in conflict with someone you love, take the initiative to express love.

 

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flair. Proverbs 15:1

 

Please Keep Us In Your Prayers

 

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Steven Jennings

What The Significant Woman’s Event Means To Me

 

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So much of my relationship with my wife is through letters and phone calls. The upcoming Significant Woman’s Event gives me the opportunity to be with my wife in person. It allows us the experience of what it would be like to eat in a resturant together. To dance with eachother. To play games together. And for me to express my gratitude towards her.

The quality time we spend together helps us bond as we learn eachother’s mannerisms. This also helps with our letter writing as it gives our written words a visual of personality. After every visit I feel our relationship strengthen. Suzie means the world to me and I could never thank her enough for all her dedication, commitment, and sacrifice.

This wonderful event allows me to show her how much I love and appreciate her. She truly is significant in my life. An absolute blessing! This is one day where I can demonstrate how special she really is to me. We can hug, kiss, hold hands, have eye contact, and experience what joy and happiness looks like on one another’s face in person.

Thank you to eveyone who helps Suzie and I unite in person for the event this weekend. We love you and appreciate all your support. To make a donation, please click HERE.

Thank you.

 

I Love You...baby

 

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Steven Jennings

The Significant Woman’s Event

 

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The Significant Woman’s Event is on May 1st, 2016. Suzie and I absolutely love this event. It’s more like a date rather than a visit in prison.

This event is all about honoring the special woman in my life who has provided ongoing support, sacrifice, and encouragement: My loving wife, Suzie. The activities are designed to assist in fostering the growth & strengthening of our beautiful relationship.

I make and give her a corsage. We are served food and drinks just like in a restaurant. We get up and dance with each other. I take her to a private section where I read her a sweet, emotional, loving, gratitude letter.

You can read what this amazing event was like for us last year:

A Special Day Together
The Significant Woman’s Event (Part 1)
The Significant Woman’s Event (Part 2)

As you can see, this event is very special to us, and means a great deal to us both.

That’s why we’re humbly requesting some financial help so Suzie can make the trip from California to Washington for this event. Please help make this special day possible for us. Take a peek at our GoFundMe page.

Here is What The Significant Woman’s Event Means To Me.

 

The Significant Woman's Event

 

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Steven Jennings

Real Love Letters

 

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Real Love Letters: Falling in love through writing. The connection. The journey. The romance.

How could a vibrant, intelligent woman fall in love with a man in prison? To most people, it makes no sense. I don’t even fully understand it. Yet, I’m referring to my situation. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? That is the question a lot of people ask. And if they don’t ask it, they’re thinking it! The answer is better SHOWN, rather than told.

I invite you to follow our blog: Real Love Letters. It shows how a shy, introvert, Mormon girl falls in love with an outspoken, extrovert…who just so happens to be a convict serving 43 years in prison.

My wife, Suzie, and I know we have something special and unique. A powerful love unlike anything we’ve ever known. And now we have decided to share it with the world. We share our back and forth dialogue that started with a Prison Pen-Pal Ad, and continues all the way through falling in love and getting married.

I feel truly blessed that such an amazing and wholesome woman entered my life.

Real Love Letters is a testimony that true love knows no boundaries.

 

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Steven Jennings

A Would-Be Quarrelsome Wife

 

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This woman and I actually started the process of getting married back in 2011. Out of respect for her, I’ll call her “Rose.” On 12/22/11, I got my first letter from Rose. She found me on goodprisoner.com.

By 1/25/12, I was getting letters from her that read in part, “Yes, of course I will marry you. There isn’t anyone who could love me more or better.”

On 1/27/12, she wrote:

 

You are breaking my poor heart with all the romance that you are showing me. Believe it or not, no one has ever come close to how you treat me. How can I ever deny you? I can’t and I don’t want to either. I will be gentle with your heart, emotions, and feelings. I showed my daughter your picture. She got all red in the face and said that you are beautiful. I told her that I am going to marry you, and she said she wished that it was her. She said, “Ummm, he is sooo fine!” I said, “Girl, I know. He’s BAAADDD!” I am proud of you and I am proud to be with you. I love you. ~Rose

 

On 1/30/12, she wrote:

 

Baby, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, for the beautiful cards that you made and sent to my daughter and I! We absolutely love them, but NOT as much as we LOVE you, Steven! I will always love you and treat you with the GREATEST respect as my friend, partner, lover, and husband!!! You are a beautiful and very special person. My daughter cannot stop saying, “That’s a beautiful card, Mama!” We have tears of joy in our hearts and eyes. My daughter just kissed your picture and I am gonna kiss it everyday. You are too much…I love you, Baby! Sincerely, Rose

 

These beautiful letters went back and forth for weeks. THEN, I got one dated 2/11/12. In part, this is what it said:

 

I have re-evaluated my situation and my feelings that I thought I had for you. You have been institutionalized for all of your adult life and that has impaired your understanding of the dynamics of men and women in relationships. The only experiences regarding real, committed, intimate involvements that you have had with women OR anything else, has come from those in your family, a few scattered friends, a dog in a rehabilitative program, and a f*cking bird named Chirpy! I mean, give me a break! As a result of being around a bunch of derelicts and hard-leg men, you have become a product of the delusional environment you exist in with an unrealistic mind. I mean…what do you really know about love and relationships, except that you want conjugal visits as a means to satisfy a fantasy you have, and because you have been deprived of the privileges of those of us in the free world? You were the one that f*cked up and now you want rights that you waived when you committed crimes, not only as an adult, but as a JUVENILE as well, to be given to you. Huh! You should have thought of all that before you committed criminal mischief and those four felonies!

You are a sociological, philosophical, and criminological EXPERIMENT for my master’s thesis book. Simply put, you, your letters, your websites, and all of your emails and ALL of your crimes (to give a thorough chronology to the extent of your delinquency), are priceless research for me to get accepted into my doctorate program this Fall and to get an A. For that, I thank you very much.

What do you know about being echelon and classy, Sweetheart? All I SEE is prison issued attire, bad grammar, and an uneducated boy perpetrating that of a so-called “hip” and current man. You do NOT know who you are!!! But, how could you? How truly sad…

I don’t want to be in a fantasy relationship with a BOY, as I do not have time to re-RAISE someone else’s child! You don’t know and will never know how to love a woman like me. You are too immature and you really won’t know what true love is until you get OUT OF PRISON!!! Steven, I don’t have to lower my standards to be happy or to be loved, and to continue to deal with you and your BS, is exactly what I will be doing. Convince someone else how “different and special you are,” because to me you are NO DIFFERENT, BETTER, or UNIQUE, than the rest of those CRIMINALS AND CONVICTS who think they have so much to offer a woman! This is my last letter and request to you, Steven Dale Jennings. Please return all of my pictures, as I don’t want you to have me as part of your entourage. Forget about me and my daughter. I can’t deal with you and the stress you bring me. You are too disruptive and you are causing me a great deal of anguish. ~Rose

 

Wow! That was a lot to take in. How do you respond to that? Very carefully. First, I did as she requested. I sent back all of her photos. I was kind and respectful. I apologized for making her feel that way. I kept my words short and sweet. I knew she needed time and space.

Then, on 2/14/12, to my surprise I got this email from her, “I feel like sh*t for being mean to you! Ignore me and my craziness! I just need you so bad, baby! I love you. ~Rose”

I took that as an opportunity to respond to her mean email a little bit. I was kind and respectful. Then for the next few weeks I’d get emails like this, “You are an incredible person and a truly beautiful, beautiful soul. I love how you immediately try to make things right between us! That makes me so happy! I just love you, Steven! ~Rose”

On 4/18/12 she wrote, “What did I do to deserve you? How could one woman be sooo lucky? You are a DREAM…I love you with all my heart. ~Rose”

On 4/22/12, I got another email. It read, in part:

 

This will be the last email that you will ever receive from me. Trying to have a relationship with you is much more than I have bargained for and in my estimate, not worth it. I no longer want to have any form of communication with you, nor do I want to receive any communication from you as well. To deal with you is too hard for me. The energy, time, and money that I have exerted on this hopeless rapport, is pointless!!! Therefore, I choose not to exert anymore effort on it. Find someone else that you can hustle and have bow down to you, because I am NOT THE ONE!

 

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I can go on and on with these love/hate emails. I definitely saw a pattern. I started to realize that she loved to fight just to get a reaction out of me. No matter what I said or did, it was only a matter of time before she found something to quarrel about.

I could always soothe her over when she felt like it was time. But no matter what, I knew another un-provoked storm was on the way.

As much as I loved her and all of her good qualities, I realized that it’s better to live on a corner of a roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. It was time to move on.

And THANK GOD I did. Soon after, I met Suzie. The love of my life. My soul mate. The Yin to my Yang. My perfect match. My wife.

Suzie is a tender and wholesome woman. A gentle soul. She shows understanding in her words and actions as we learn & grow together. She is soooo much more than I ever expected. She accepts me, ALL of me. She see’s me for who I am, not where I am.

A lot of people find it intriguing how relationships like ours come to be. To read how Suzie & I met and fell in love, please check out: Real Love Letters

 

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Steven Jennings

1st Letter To Him

Real Love Letters

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Both visiting and mail call are the highlights of my days while in prison. So when the guard yelled, “mail call” I hurried up and got in line. I reached the front and was handed a single envelope.

Sweet! I got mail! But I had no idea just how sweet this letter would be. The emotions inside me started to flood as I read this woman’s handwritten words. And a wonderful feeling of happiness overwhelmed me.

Here is the very first letter I got from Suzie…

 

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11-29-12

Hey There Steven,

Well, you’re probably wondering who I am, right? And probably questioning that piece of a picture…read on and I’ll explain.

I stumbled upon your online profile completely by accident. It intrigued me and captured my attention. So here I am writing you. So…prison sex, huh? I admire your straight-forwardness. Are you for real? What exactly is it that you’re looking…

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